A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
