We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
