I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
