a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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