fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
