It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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