I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
