considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
