We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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