Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
