I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
