My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Randomize
