I am in a vortex of obligation.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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