If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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