you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
