she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
