you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i will never coherently bang her
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
