If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
