oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
