Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
