Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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