I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
