The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
