i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
