I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
