I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
