make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
