I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
