May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
