I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
