I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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