I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
