Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
My cat gives me a boner
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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