Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
