My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
No stitches, just platelets and will power
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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