Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
