My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
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