Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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