This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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