All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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