Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
There's even glitter on my cock...
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