Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
