I feel like abortions should bother me more
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
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