yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
