I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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