rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
