dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
