it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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