i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
