So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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