rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
