Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
