At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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