I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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