Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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